On My Swing…

I’m tired and sleepy, but I can’t stop thinking about myself, what must I do, how they are, etc.

Time’s running fastly, when I spending my time with my friends(s), where I can be myself, trully.

Time’s running slowly, when I wasting my time with something I dislike or someone else that can’t make me comfort, when I’m in bad mood.

Time is money, depend on how I use it to be.

Again, I miss my beloved people, people who can make me feeling comfort as myself…

How are you all? I miss U much…

Actually, I should be thankful to Allah SWT, eventhough my love story isn’t like a fairytale, I’m still having my beloved family and friends, who really know me, I love them so much…

"Trying to find and define our own definition about beauty not only gives us a lot of new tought about many things : about how sometimes the way we think about beauty is so cliche and typical, how sometimes we forget to seek beauty from something unsoen, forget to seek it through feeling and emotion, how our mind is so controlled by the media to definewhat is beauty, and so on. But the most important things, it left us with the big question : Am I beautiful? Am I considered beautiful? Well, are you? And do you think people would think that you are beautiful? And… does it still mater?"

(quote from Beauty Case, Icha R.- nice book, anyway)

I promised not to crying for you anymore

Yes, I did.

But my heart now crying.

And I don’t know why.

When I saw a romantic moment(s), I had imagine to myself . Coz I ever done, in the past, altough some of those moments made me sad . I have a lot of moments, and I appreciate that so much .

I’m afraid with something that didn’t come yet. I’m afraid I can’t do anything as well. I’m afraid with something new. I’m afraid I can’t make them proud of me.

I like 2 different characters of Joker:

1. The Joker-Gravity on Flame of Recca.
2. The Joker on Solitaire’s Mistery-Jostein Gaarder.

Both of them are different, but they have a similar thing: they are different from their community. They are strong in their own ability.

Joker-Gravity, nobody know what he is, friend or enemy for Recca cs. He’s funny and looks ugly, but he’s strong enough. Unfortunately, he’s lost when he was in battle with I-don’t-remember-but the only-I-know-is-Joker-lost-in-a-black-hole . Well, it’s better than saw him bloody and dead, isn’t it?

And the other is Joker on Solitaire’s Mistery. He’s different with his community, physical and mentally. The important things that make him different are he’s more critical and clever than the other characters in his community.

Actually, what’s the definition of being normal? It relatively. Everyone has their point of view. For me, there’s no one normal. Everything goes fluctuative, can’t describe.

 Life, never runs smoothly.

Life bites me. Fluently .

Life is just a perception. That’s what my friend said. If you think that you can get success, you will. If you think that you are a loser, you will. And I don’t wanna be a loser, of course

14 April 2006, I watched TV, and I saw a man who can survive on Jakarta, with a thousand rupiahs per day for his meal, after sell a sack of tamarinds (1000 rupiahs/kg). Wow . I look on myself, can I survive like that? On Malang I must have more than 1000 rupiahs to survive. 2000 rupiahs for transport, 3000 rupiahs for lunch, and some thousands rupiahs to fotocopy etc. Whatta different reality.

Then I have a question : Can I survive in?

Not a simple question, but I try to answer : I believe I can survive.